Boredom

I have realized why, randomly, that I all of a sudden get all sad and depressed and start thinking of all the memories that I wish I still had. I have realized that whenever I am busy and having fun, I don't think of it as much. I realized that whenever I am bored, I think and when I think, I think of memories and when I think of memories that turn into sad memories, in some way and that is what makes me sad.

My cure to this all, keep busy and to listen to music. I realized that when ever I am listening to music, I think so much to the music that I don't remember my problems and just put myself in the lyrics. I love how music can make me happy when I am the saddest I have ever been. It amazes me. I don't REALLY understand it all. But I am just glad it does.

This is my theory on most of my depression. But I know I could not totally fix it with just music. I need to just, find out what can. or else I don't know what I am going to do....

DOG HAIRS

So, 2 Fridays ago, I went to the mall with Savannah. A group of people,
close to our age, In high school, asked us to come over to their
table as we walked by, we went over, but kept our distance. I knew
some of the people from Chelsea and shows and stuff. They asked me
and Savannah for what sounded like DOG HAIRS. When I heard them ask that, I looked over to Savannah in a confused look. She didn't know either. We didn't want to look like a fool and ask what they were, so we simply just walked away.

This past Friday I went to the mall with Heaven and Summer. We were just walking and having fun when the SAME PEOPLE asked us over. I told them they were prolly going to ask for DOG HAIRS. So, we went over and they asked for DOG HAIRS. Now, I heard DOG HAIRS, but it ended up that they were saying DOLL HAIRS. Now, again, What the Fuck is DOLL HAIRS. Well, we said no, and walked away. We started talking and we just guess it means DOLLARS. But we still are not sure...

My "About Me" on Myspace as of 1/15/08

Im Raven and at this point in my life, I am Never happy. I can be having the time of my life, and still, in the back of my mind, have to worse, most depressing feeling ever. I can get the best present, but I dont appreciate it like I should because I feel no matter how hard I try, or if I have all this new stuff, I will still not be happy, or that even if I have all this nice, new stuff, I will still not be good enough. I will still not be perfect. It's not my goal to be Perfect, I just want to be good enough to get what I want most. Im not going to tell you want I want most, because in the end, whoever reads this, it will probably be turned around, and I will be labeled. Fuck Labeling! Thats all that matters these days! Omg, she does not have the newest, best phone, she can not hang out with us. Fuck them. Fuck everyone. Fuck myself. Because even if I dont want to, I will still be a fucking labeler. I will still "read a book by its cover" because everyone does. And it takes alot of courage to not care at all, i mean not one bit, what people think about. And I personally, know no one who does not care one bit what people think. As you see, How can a teenager be happy in these days unless you have someone to love, or you have enough money to get all the new things. Even if you have the most amazing friends and you know you dont need money or love to make you happy, you know deep down you do. Because I know I do :/

Awkward Silence

I hate the weird awkward silences that have been happening in my family for about 4 months now. I hate how whenever I speak my mind, everyone just stares at me, having a dumb look on their face. THEN what I hate the worst is when they turn it around and make me feel like a horrible person, they make me feel like, I never do anything right, like its MY fault everything is wrong with this family. I hate when after a fight and your the only one on your side, you hear your other members talking about you, behind your back. YOUR OWN FAMILY doing this. Its the worst feeling in the world. I hate when my "family members" cry, and I feel like I was the one making them. I hate this feeling.

And it seems to be happening to me a lot.